January 19, 2005 [LINK]

Jeff Foxworthy on South Dakota

With outside temperatures in the teens or lower for the third straight day, it's beginning to seem a lot like my home state, South Dakota. Out there on the high plains, "where all the kids are above average," strong character is instilled by the harsh elements at an early age, and no one complains about a touch of frostbite here or there. Coincidentally, I just got this from an old friend I saw for the first time in ages last summer, Rich Raab. Some of these jokes may escape folks who hail from milder climes:

• If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in South Dakota.
• If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Milbank is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in South Dakota.
• If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in South Dakota.
• If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in South Dakota.
• If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in South Dakota.
• If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in South Dakota.
• If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in South Dakota.
• If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in South Dakota.
• If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in South Dakota.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE South Dakotan WHEN:

• 1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-90 for the weekend.
• 2. You measure distance in hours.
• 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
• 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
• 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
• 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
• 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• 8. You carry jumper cables in your car & your girlfriend knows how to use them.
• 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter & road construction.
• 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
• 13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
• 14. Down South to you means Nebraska.
• 15. A brat is something you eat.
• 16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
• 17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday.
• 18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• 19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
• 20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
• 21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your South Dakota friends. Sad....but true!!!